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    Children and funerals?

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    Violet
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    Children and funerals?

    Post  Violet on Wed May 26, 2010 9:41 pm

    Have you or would you let your child/children attend a funeral, is there an age too young, do you let them choose even if they have no concept of what a funeral is.
    Do you think it's wrong to take children to funerals, should such things be kept from them until they are much older?
    Finally, do you hold funerals for your children's pets?



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    innerlight
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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  innerlight on Wed May 26, 2010 9:51 pm

    Nah, kids should attend a funeral.. Even if they don't know what it means it allows them to be there. To be present. They may not understand it at the time. But later on they will appreciate such a thing. I would say the only time they shouldn't be there if they are unable to be able to sit there peacefully. If your kids are the antsy type, scream, or are loud during such events. Then it's only respectful to others that are their that you leave them. A person is grieving at such an event and to have loud kids will not help the situation. So you should probably not bring people younger than 5, to such a thing.
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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  sparkly on Fri May 28, 2010 7:45 am

    hiding these things is really consequential. when my sister passed from cancer, my kids saw her in the critical care unit as we were brought in with shock. a couple days before..
    on a 'funny' note; my daughter claims my son nearly tipped my sister's body from the casket at the funeral... luckily this didn't turn out so bad. he was five and probably the youngest there... i think my kid will be better poised to cope, from these experiences. yes, we have funerals for pets, flowers incense...easter eggs if its easter...the more natural it all is, the better. although i think open caskets are creepy, all that makeup, drained blood...just a waste of resources.
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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Lynn on Fri May 28, 2010 3:17 pm

    Hello

    I think its like all thing just needs to be explained abit is all. Like me kids say "death is a part of life". I am blessed that me family does not beleive in services for a death so there are few to attend.

    The only thing would be having to explain the open casket funeral where the person in the box so looks like they are sleeping not dead. That would have to be explained a bit more.

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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Violet on Fri May 28, 2010 9:54 pm

    Every funeral i've been to has been different, sometimes open coffins, sometimes closed, I think it's good for children to attend, i'd never expect a child to view a body though, that can be shocking for an adult never mind a child, I saw a family member when I was 18 and it stayed with me for months after, every time I closed my eyes I saw him.



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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Mal5252 on Sat May 29, 2010 12:19 am

    Violet wrote:Every funeral i've been to has been different, sometimes open coffins, sometimes closed, I think it's good for children to attend, i'd never expect a child to view a body though, that can be shocking for an adult never mind a child, I saw a family member when I was 18 and it stayed with me for months after, every time I closed my eyes I saw him.
    Hi Violet & all ,
    there's no harm in children attending a funeral and I think the earlier they learn that death is part of life the better. Maybe I'm a bit of an oddball but when I looked at my great-grandmother in the casket, at the age of 8 or 9, it didn't shock me. It was like looking at a somewhat lifelike mannequin, an appearance of a life form but clearly void of life.

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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Violet on Sat May 29, 2010 12:53 am

    You know Mal it probably wouldn't phase most younger kids, I think I got so upset because I didn't know what to expect, kids probably wouldn't expect anything and just look.

    Though I have heard of kids who were forced to kiss deceased relatives in their coffins and it has stayed with them into very old age sometimes and made them fear death. Personally I think that's going too far, if they want to kiss them fair enough but they shouldn't be forced.



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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Mal5252 on Sat May 29, 2010 12:59 am

    Violet wrote:
    Though I have heard of kids who were forced to kiss deceased relatives in their coffins and it has stayed with them into very old age sometimes and made them fear death. Personally I think that's going too far, if they want to kiss them fair enough but they shouldn't be forced.
    Hi Violet ,
    oh my no! A child should never be forced to kiss a deceased person regardless of who or what they were in life. That's an awful thing.

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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Violet on Sat May 29, 2010 1:01 am

    Isn't it an awful thing to do to a child?



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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  sparkly on Sat May 29, 2010 1:35 am

    when i was 18, my father passed. i made the mistake of kissing his cold sone flesh. i now think this should not be allowed as the spirit is gone, and there could be untold germs.

    my grandfather died 6 moths before i was born, and we went to the cemetery when i was 9. for months i was creeped out and feared that he was under my bed, so i don't think kids justnaturally fall in with it. maybe if i 'd known him, i would not have been afraid.


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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Violet on Sat May 29, 2010 1:38 am

    maybe if i 'd known him, i would not have been afraid.

    I think this would have made all the difference sparkly, and it is strange that coldness, you somehow don't expect that.



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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  sparkly on Sat May 29, 2010 1:53 am

    i think so, but in my case, since he died before my birth there was nothing for it, perhaps my visit to the

    cemetery, had it been earlier...

    yes, the coldness came as a shock, and i realised that it was a mistake then ...

    i would disrecommend it!

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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Emma on Sat Jun 19, 2010 10:21 pm

    Depending on the age of the child, I think it would be a good idea to ask the child if they would like to attend and explain what is to be exspected so they are preapared for it in a way a child would understand. If there at a age where they cannot not talk yet or understand I think you need to think hard as a parent and think would this kind of experience be to traumatizing for them.
    I'm 21 and I've never attended or experienced a funeral so I am yet to experience it, but during school, a younge boy in my class died in his sleep and I was asked if I wanted to attend, I was 11 at the time and had a good idea what to exspect and started crying because I was afraid to attend so my parents didn't take me.
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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  sparkly on Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:57 am

    :astar:
    hi emma, i think for sure if you have somewhere else to send your kids..because most/ all the family will be present...(but i did leave my 2 younger ones to school, and to the neighbours, whe my brother in law hanged himself) and they are old enough to be bothered...it behooves you to ask! but to avoid it altogether could be most damaging.
    i think at 11, you would feel very vulnerable, as though such a thing could strike you or other family/ class members in their sleep too, that is very sad. :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love:
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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  sparkly on Sun Jun 20, 2010 2:00 am

    ps, i saw straight away your picture of metatron, which i recognized from having seen him myself a few weeks ago.

    he is a truly magnificent being!

    :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles: :giggles:

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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Violet on Sun Jun 20, 2010 2:33 am

    That's a very difficult death to describe to a young child, dying in your sleep , and I know some describe death to children as 'going to sleep,and not waking up' and we 'put animals to sleep' this must be a terrifying thought for a child at night time and very confusing as when we have operations too we are 'put to sleep.'



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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  psychoslice on Sun Jun 20, 2010 5:09 am

    Well I haven't got children of my own but I do notice at funerals that the children take it better than the adults. They haven't yet had the fear of death programed into them, the same as when children are dieing from whatever, they haven't the fear unless the parents put the fear into them. No I actually feel more towards adults than children, children just take things better. :astar:
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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Violet on Sun Jun 20, 2010 9:56 pm

    You're right Psychoslice they do seem to handle it better especially the younger ones but they probably don't fully understand the finality of death. But I agree I do think fear of death is learned from observing adults sometimes.



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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  psychoslice on Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:32 pm

    Hi Violet yea just imagine how we would be if we were brought up in a world where we were taught to celebrate death, just as we celebrate birth ?. Of course the sadness would be there but not in a neurotic since but more in a bye for now way.
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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  Violet on Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:42 pm

    Hi Psychoslice, It would be good, but no matter how much we believed we would see them again I don't think it would prevent the pain of the pysical loss though it may lessen it considerably.



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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  psychoslice on Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:47 pm

    Violet wrote:Hi Psychoslice, It would be good, but no matter how much we believed we would see them again I don't think it would prevent the pain of the pysical loss though it may lessen it considerably.


    Yea I think your right Violet, after all we are only human with our emotions and all.
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    Re: Children and funerals?

    Post  sparkly on Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:27 am

    psychoslice wrote:Hi Violet yea just imagine how we would be if we were brought up in a world where we were taught to celebrate death, just as we celebrate birth ?. Of course the sadness would be there but not in a neurotic since but more in a bye for now way.
    exac tac tacka ally! i've just had my mum die and i've gone through the whole gammut this month and said to my sister we've been sold a crock! if the 'fathers' who wrote the 'holy books' had not edited it, i believe and funerals (revolting things) were all proceeded with differently, and people in so called religious institutions/ practices endeavoured to teach and learn what realy transpires after death rather than just "in the embrace of the heavenly father" it would be a whole 'nother thing. death is a birth! at least to someone, somewhere else. :bfs: :bfs: :bfs: :bfs: :bfs: :bfs: :bfs: :bfs: :bfs: :bfs:

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